we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Pants are for mortals
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
