but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
