A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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