im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
