I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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