dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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