Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
