Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
