Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
