I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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