What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Randomize
