There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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