If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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