WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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