After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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