just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
organizing the empties. That sober.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
