If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
