yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
