listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
