Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
The best revenge is premature balding
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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