you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
