i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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