i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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