Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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