she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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