she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
