It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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