Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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