He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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