So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
