i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just forgot I was standing up.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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