You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Randomize
