my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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