I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
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The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
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A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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