I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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