Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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