did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
