they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
