my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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