I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
