I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
