if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
