His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Dicks are not precious.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
