I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
porn star boner night. come get it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
