I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
