so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
