Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
