what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
