..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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