I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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