im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
