Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
