Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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