I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
it was like eating out sand paper
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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