farters have to be the big spoon...
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
