Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
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