I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
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I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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