fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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