Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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