her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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