What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
