What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
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