Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
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