New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
