my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
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So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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