omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Life without a bra equals bliss.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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