i already hear my dad disowning me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
