I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i've created a new STD.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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