so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
