I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
